This column originally appeared in The Sun Chronicle on Monday, December22, 2014
AN INSIDE LOOK
By Bill Gouveia
Almost
everyone has their own special Christmas traditions. Should you decide to read further, you will
discover one of mine. Proceed at your
own risk.
Nearly every Christmas I share with
you good readers my latest rendition of perhaps the most famous holiday poem
ever. Of course, I adapt it to reflect
the love and emotion we all hold for our various local officials – and that
would include me.
It is my way of thanking the dedicated and devoted public
servants who give of their time and energy to make our local governments
work. Or at least, that’s what I tell
everyone. The truth is they keep me
stocked with column material, and it’s just a lot of fun.
So with apologies again to the late Clement Moore, I do
hereby submit for your reading pain or pleasure my version of “T’was The Night
Before Christmas”…
T’was the night
before Christmas, and town halls were still,
The leaders were
home now, and full of good will.
Attleboro city
councilors put their differences aside
And all headed out
on a nice school bus ride.
The taxpayers were
settled all snug in their beds,
While nightmares of
overrides danced in their heads.
Your favorite local
columnist was working away,
Preparing a
masterpiece to be read Christmas Day.
Then from just
outside there came a loud boom
That shook all the
TV’s I had in the room.
I ran to the front
door and opened it wide,
And gazed in
amazement at what was outside.
The moonlight was
reflecting, making all things aglow,
As expensive salt
was poured on the streets down below.
When suddenly, slicing
through the night so grey,
Were five people
riding in a football shaped sleigh.
They were arguing
and voting, and splitting 3-2.
They were Foxboro
selectmen (it’s just what they do).
They had presents
for officials, such good little elves.
They were ticked
there was nothing in the sleigh for themselves.
To
North Attleboro selectmen, they delivered some notes
That
Santa was running out of those override votes.
They also left
selectmen a few lumps of coal,
And said a split
tax rate should be their new goal.
Over Plainville
they almost fell out of the sleigh
When they saw that
new slot parlor where people will play.
Plainville’s gift
was new revenue to keep taxes low,
Which Foxboro could
have had, but selectmen said No.
For Norton
officials, they had quite a gift -
A new solar farm
that has caused a big rift.
For Wrentham
citizens, that gift was much harder
Now that they have
a new bright shiny charter.
For Mansfield
selectmen, they swooped down like a vulture
And pulled any
signs that were not of our culture.
For those who love
going out and getting drunk quicker,
They brought 11 new
licenses for folks to serve liquor.
Rep. Barrows got a
gift that just made his day -
A woman called to
discuss getting fair equal pay.
Rep. Poirier no
longer has that quite angry frown,
Because they made
sure no visiting reps come to her town.
For Bishop Feehan
High, they brought something neat –
They get their own
driveway, complete with a street.
Area food shoppers
will get bargains galore
As they finally
open that Market Basket store.
They swung through
Rehoboth to hand out Christmas greetings,
And warn school
officials about stacking Town Meetings.
They found Seekonk
selectmen all wearing a grin
As they sat on their
bar stools, just being sworn in.
They saw me, and
their look was not one of elation -
They looked like
they’d seen an OML violation.
In executive
session, they then took a vote
To totally ignore
anything I ever wrote.
They finished their
business and emptied their sleigh,
Waved (not with all
fingers) and then dashed away.
They rode off
repeating their now familiar refrain:
“There’s no way
we’re letting Bob Kraft have that train!”
Merry Christmas and Happy
Holidays to everyone.
Bill Gouveia is a
local columnist, town official, husband, parent, grandfather, and terrible
poet. He wishes you all a Merry
Christmas and Happy Holidays, and can be reached at aninsidelook@aol.com
and tweeted at @billinsidelook.
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