This column originally appeared in The Sun Chronicle on Friday, June 19, 2015
AN INSIDE LOOK
By Bill Gouveia
This
Sunday is Father’s Day. It will be my 36th
as a dad and my 8th as a grandfather.
Yeah, I know
– this is Father’s Day, not Grandfather’s Day.
But I don’t care. Any excuse to
brag about being a grandfather is a good one.
And these days, my physical appearance much more fits the elder role.
But I was Dad
long before I was Grandpa, and that’s something in which I take great
pride.
The truth is
being a grandfather is relatively easy.
You get to have a lot of the fun, and very little of the real
responsibility. You can break the rules
with limited impunity, discipline is something you let the parents worry about,
and “No” is a concept you treat with the same disdain you had for it as a kid.
Being a Dad
is much different. Sure, you get to have
fun and enjoy those special moments with your children, creating memories that
will last not only your lifetime but hopefully theirs as well. But being a Dad (and in fact, being a parent
today) is an awesome and heavy responsibility.
I look back
at the four generations of Dads I have known in my own family. My grandfather was a hard-working immigrant
who spent nearly a decade away from his family in Portugal before he could
bring them to America. He was a good
man, but had a hard shell. He was a
farmer and worked in the maintenance crew at Wheaton College. He commanded respect, and always received it
from his children.
My Dad was
the first of his family to go to college.
He inherited his father’s work ethic, often toiling at three different
jobs while also going to school. We knew
growing up he loved us, but he was not exactly warm and fuzzy. Late in his life, he would shake my hand
whenever we saw each other. I would
embarrass him with a hug and kiss.
I was not
dissimilar from them both when I entered the fatherhood fraternity,
particularly regarding time spent providing financially. I worked hard to try and give my kids the
life they deserved, as well as the opportunity to go to college. My pride at their graduations was
boundless. And thanks to my wife (the
best parent I have ever met) I was at least somewhat visible and active in
their lives growing up.
Today both my
sons are dads. And I watch in utter
amazement and joy at how they have not only accepted the role, but made it
their own. They are more than just
wonderful parents. In my eyes they
reflect everything a Dad should be, which at the risk of sounding sexist or
prejudiced, is different from what a parent should be.
They are so
involved in every aspect of the lives of their children. They are constantly in
the schools, always know everything their kids did that day, and provide the
best kind of example for those young minds.
Their patience makes me proud, while at the same time making me ashamed
of the lack of same I often remember exhibiting back when they were young.
They both
married strong women, true partners in their lives. They have built families on a foundation of
love, with the emphasis on all the right things. They demonstrate strength when needed, gentleness
when necessary, and are smart enough to recognize when each is called for.
If you judge
a Dad by how his children turn out, then I will get much more credit than I
deserve. My sons are awesome people, and
sensational parents. And there is no
shaking hands when we get together. We
never let each other go without a hug and kiss.
“You’re never
too old to kiss your father”, I told them at a very early age. And they have never hesitated, even through
those awkward and sensitive school years.
I have so
many moments from being a dad that I treasure.
And the good news is – I’m not done collecting them.
Aaron and
Nate, thank you for learning from my mistakes and maybe picking up a rare good
thing or two. Happy Father’s Day to
everyone, especially the two best Dads I know.
Bill Gouveia is a local columnist and a
proud Dad. He can be emailed at aninsidelook@aol.com and followed on Twitter at
@Billinsidelook.
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